Crucial Conversations

I took a break from blogging for a couple of weeks while on vacation in Arizona.  It was a memorable time, between the heat – in contrast to the Vancouver weather I was escaping – and driving out of a snow storm leaving the Grand Canyon.  But it was memorable for another reason too, which is what I want to talk about today. 

Have you ever encountered situations or learned something that became pivotal to your personal life or career?  Of course you have…that was rhetorical!  My trip to Arizona turns out to be pivotal for me, but not because of the heat or snow.   Before leaving for my vacation, a friend talked to me about a resource she’d come across and suggested that in my quest to keep learning new things, I might find it useful.  Well, it certainly has had an impact on my perspective, and I want to share it with you. 

I started reading a book called Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High.  This book is now in its second edition, so readership has been around for awhile and continues to build momentum.  I’m not done reading the book yet, but I can already see how it is yet another resource to add to my own leadership arsenal, and one I will share with developing, emerging leaders in my circle. 

Frankly, I found the early chapters boring.  Who doesn’t already know that there are three ways to handle a crucial conversation:  1. Avoid it, 2. Face it and handle it poorly, or 3. Face it and handle it well.  Given these three options, I prefer the last one, but if I’m going to be honest with myself, I’ve spent a lot of time opting for doors 1 and 2.

 Being stubborn and one of those folks who rarely stops reading a book even when it is not captivating from the beginning, I pressed on reading page by page.  Then the holiday was over and I had to be back in the office.  Oddly enough, the book I thought wasn’t teaching me anything new started cropping up in my thoughts as I encountered the variety of situations leaders face on a day-to-day basis.  I started observing others interacting and noticed opportunities to nail conversations more effectively and with resolution.  Then I tested some of the lessons I read and learned about in the book, and while that took a lot of nerve and courage, lo and behold, I recognized that some of the stuff from this book just might work!

For example, when I purposefully opened myself up and injected a high degree of “heart” in my conversations and demonstrated some of my own vulnerability - which most of us find risky- I could see how that gave prospect to more possibilities in the discussion.  This strategy actually took me places I don't think would have been possible in a regular, run-of-the-mill conversation.  So for something I thought was uninspiring at the onset, I’ve turned full circle.  My first impressions of this book weren’t great, but I see real potential now. 

I’ve included a few resources for you if you want to get a glimpse at the book’s content.  See this PDF link entitled Book Notes and/or this Powerpoint presentation.  In my view, this book is worth a close look by leaders.  If you have read it and would like to share a story, why not let me feature your experience in a future blog?  I’d love to hear from you.  In the meantime, take care and have a great week!