Who do you confide in when you’ve got a workplace dilemma? Do you vent with your family when you get home, or do you have a network of former or current colleagues you can call on for moral support? What about your frustrations? Who do you trust enough to say what’s on your mind and in your heart when it comes to what’s not going so well? How about your fears that failure is stalking you? If you’ve ever found yourself asking who to turn to for any of the above, you’re not alone.
Like most leaders, you’ve come to realize that things aren’t always going to go your way. There are the usual hiccups that one learns to accept as par for the course. Usually, these types of glitches just run off your back. Then there are all the other times. You know what I’m talking about: those “once- in- a- blue- moon” times when you are caught off-guard and confused about what to do next. Or you’ve been snagged in the political web -the sticky, icky kind- and you don’t know what to think.
Sometimes, when things get desperate, you might begin to wonder if you’re really fitting in with your team, or your organization. The Gallup Organization has been doing workplace surveys for years, and one of its twelve key questions asks respondents whether they have a best friend at work. In answering whether you have a best friend at work, you’re exploring how you fit in with your organization. Answering this question might also give you some insight as to whether you’ve got close connections with whom you can check out your perceptions. (See Overview of the Gallup Organization’s Q-12 Survey by Louis R. Forbringer, Ph.d. for more information on Gallup and the survey).
I had a former colleague who worked with me in a remote Canadian First Nations community who reached out to me on a daily basis. Maybe I’m exaggerating a bit…but it was at least once a week. Honest. Now that I think about it, it was partially because we both had little in the shape of social networks, but I learned to expect a visit or phone call from this gal anytime. Invariably, when things were really bad, the talk usually ended after a few tears on her end and reassurances on mine. Admittedly, there were times when we reversed roles. I don’t know that we solved any of our respective problems-of-the-day, but I think we both felt little better just getting things off our chests.
A mentor of mine told me that as a leader, I had to get used to talking to the mirror. At the time, I thought he meant that there were always going to be certain things that had to be reserved to be discussed in privacy and only to that person in the mirror. Period. I understood this to mean that some opinions, questions, or concerns were best kept to oneself. I found this stressful. As I matured, I realized that the “mirror” analogy could include one or two key people in your life with whom you could share most things. Now days, I feel strongly enough to say your mirror should reflect a small, trusted network (no pun intended!).
In my world, I do have a few folks I use as mirrors; good work friends who’ll set me straight or tell me I’m way off base. Then again, they’re the same people who form my support system when I need it the most, and I know I am their mirror as well. Sometimes the mirror is just for a quick glance and “flick of the hair” or touch-up. Sometimes a bit more maintenance.
Turns out, having a mirror in my life has been fantastic – but I warn you: you have to look high and low for the right one or two. I hope if you don’t have your mirror(s) that you’ll find one soon. If you have another solution to the concept of a workplace mirror, or if you have a “best friend at work” and you want to share your story, please drop me a line @ jbezz@shaw.ca.
I’ll be heading out tomorrow for a short holiday and will be back in a few weeks. No blogs from me until the middle of April. I sure hope you’re enjoying these entries. I know I am.
Take good care of yourself!
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